China Threatens to Block Alcohol Trade to the US if Pelosi Doesn’t Leave Taiwan

China Dictator, Xi Jinping, told state media this morning, “If Pelosi doesn’t leave Taiwan immediately, I will block all alcohol trade to the US. That drunkard won’t last a minute without booze. I am certain that she will leave Taiwan under this new strategy.” Pelosi has placed the world on the brink of war, and why she is in Taiwan is still unknown. The Miami Bulletin visited little China in Miami this morning to find answers. We interviewed Chang Xidong outside of his hibachi restaurant and he had this to say, “I escaped communist China so I wouldn’t have to deal with the government. This bi*** Pelosi is stirring a pot of rice and will cause China to burn the noodles so to speak.” My coworker and I agree with Chang, burnt noodles are a bad thing.