NFL Legalizes Steroid Use for Players

The NFL announced Saturday that they are removing all steroid and substance bans. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told the press, "Roid rage adds more entertainment to the sport. Fans want to watch football players on steroids beat the crap out of their opponents. It makes the sport better. Just like how baseball was better when geared up Barry Bonds dick slapped dingers every night." The decision came after a recent drop in viewership, due to the rising amount of player National Anthem protests. NFL fans are getting tired of communist players telling them how awful the country is, and the NFL has decided that allowing players to use steroids is the best solution. Time will tell if the chemically boosted players can keep their aggression on the field and stay pacified off of it.